Week 4 Story: Chad & Rachel

----THERE IS AN UPDATED VERSION ON MY PORTFOLIO :)



*Dear Diary: It’s me, Rachel. I am sorry I haven’t written to you in a while, school has me staying really busy! Speaking of school: there’s a new boy in town. His name is Chad. He is incredibly cute and I can’t work up the nerve to talk to him. I know, it sounds stupid but maybe one of these days I won’t be so scared. That’s all that I have going on in my life right now. I’ll make sure to update you soon! – Rachel*

Rachel: “Ugh. Being a teenager is so hard!”

*The Next Day in the school hallway*

Chad: “I’m so sorry! I didn’t see you there.”

Rachel: *turns around to see the new boy she had been eyeing all week* “Um- I- wha- it’s okay!”

Chad: “Are you sure? *laughs* my name is Chad, I’m new here so I don’t think we know each other.”

Rachel: “Hi, yeah, my name is Rachel. I think I might have seen you around. I’m not sure.” (According to her diary she knew exactly who he was- but she was never going to let him know that)

Chad: “Okay, well hopefully I’ll see you around!”

Rachel: *silently freaking out* “See you!”

Rachel to herself: “What just happened?? Am I dreaming?” *bell rings* “How am I supposed to pay attention in class after that?”

*After school*

Rachel: *walking to the school bus stop*

Chad: “Hey! It’s you again. Small world – well more like small school, right?”

Rachel: *laughs nervously* “Yeah, for sure!”

Rachel to herself: “What am I doing? Just SPEAK! Like a regular human. It’s not that hard, get it together!!”

Chad: “Are you riding the bus? I could like totally give you a ride if you needed one.”

*Rachel takes a moment to process this idea* “Is this real life? The cute new boy is offering me a ride home? Wait, my parents would kill me! I don’t even know this boy! I’ve met him for like 10 minutes! What do I do? He’s waiting. I don’t know. Ugh. Should I do it? My parents are going to be so mad…”

Rachel: “That would be awesome!!”

They start to talk in the car and realize that they have things in common, but they really only talked about what kind of music and movies they liked or how much they both liked Chinese food. He didn’t mention anything about why he had moved to our small town. People rarely ever moved into town or left town either. There had to be a story there.

Chad: “Hey is it cool if we make a stop?”

Rachel: *thinking to herself* “A stop? Where? Oh no. This is why you don’t accept rides from STRANGERS. I knew this was a bad idea. Where could we be stopping?”

*Chad turns into a Wal-Mart parking lot, Rachel is slightly confused but relieved that her crazy thoughts were nothing to worry about. They walk in together and Chad heads toward the toy department*

Chad: “I have to buy my cousin a birthday gift, and I figured you would totally be better at that than me.”

Rachel: *giggles* “Hmm what does he like? I think most kids are into Paw Patrol these days.”

Chad: “That actually sounds familiar! That sounds like a good idea.”

Rachel: “Okay, well what about thi-“

*She picked up the toy but when she turned around, Chad was gone. She looked around and he jumped around the corner, a can of silly string in hand.*

Rachel: “No! Don’t you dare!” *She starts backing up slowly as Chad points the silly string at her*

Rachel runs around the corner into the other aisle searching to see where Chad found the silly string. Boom. Found it. She grabs a can for herself.

Rachel: “Game on.”

They run in and out of aisles, running away from each other, but making sure they don’t bother the other customers. Then they hear a shout from a very tall, scary looking man and they stop what they’re doing immediately.

Rachel: *Oh my gosh, no. This is my worst nightmare. I knew this was a bad idea! How did I let this cute boy convince me to act like this??*

The scary man comes closer, his nametag reads “MANAGER”- this isn’t going to be good.

Manager: “What do you kids think you’re doing?? Do you think this is a playground? This is a STORE, were you two raised in a barn???”

*Chad and Rachel look at each other and then back to the manager*

Manager: “Do you not know how to act in a store? There are RULES. These rules are in place for a reason. You need to get out right now. Right now. AND NEVER COME BACK!

*Chad and Rachel quickly scurry out of the Wal-Mart toy department and out of the store*

Chad: “Well.. that was exciting. “

Rachel: “You call that exciting? I don’t think I’ve ever been more scared in my life! *laughs* I mean, it was still kind of fun while it lasted. Did you hear him? He said were banned from returning!”

Chad: “Yeah, sorry about that. It was kind of a spur of the moment thing. I hope this isn’t the worst first impression ever..”

Rachel: “No, it’s okay. It was kinda nice to live in the moment for once.”

Chad: “Well good. I can take you home now. I promise we won’t get into any more trouble!” *chuckles*

Rachel: *rolls eyes* “I’m definitely not telling my parents about this!”




Author's Note: So this story was loosely based off of Adam and Eve and how temptations lead Adam and Eve to be banned from the Garden of Eden. I thought it would be a cool idea to set it in high school with the two main characters meeting for the first time and then getting into trouble- getting banned from the local Wal-Mart.
Bibliography:  I used the reading from the unit of Adam and Eve in the Un-Textbook.

Comments

  1. Hi Emily, I thought this was a very interesting take on the Adam and Eve story! I like that you kept it modern and therefore made it more relatable to the people of today. It reminds me of one of those teen romance books that someone would be able to find in the library and then read during a middle school lunch break. I wonder how the story would flow if you were to add more description to Rachel and Chad's speaking parts, such as if you were to say "Rachel remarked" or "Chad chuckled" instead of how you are doing "Rachel: ..." and "Chad: .... *chuckles*" where that is read more like a script. I feel that when I first read it I read it with more breaks in my thought process because of that, so perhaps making it more like a conversation would help make it less choppy. Other than that, I really enjoyed your story!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Emily! I really liked your take on the Adam & Eve story! I never would have guessed from reading it that it was based on Adam & Eve. It is much easier to relate to for more people that way. It sounds a bit like a romance novel with a bit of mystery to it, because you do wonder if Chad is going to kidnap Rachel or something because she's basically getting into a car with a stranger. I do agree with the comment that Julia left, it almost reads more like a script from a play. I do wonder how it would read if you wrote it more like a teen novel where you develop the conversations out a bit and add more feelings or thoughts in their heads to the conversation. I do realize that writing it like a script is a story-telling choice though and I do love your take on the story so, good job!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

An introduction to Emily!

London, my favorite place!